I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
