Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
