I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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