I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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