Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
