I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
