sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We just shotgunned beers for America
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
