He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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