i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
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