Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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