fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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