I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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