So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
