if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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