I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
