Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
