My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
