His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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