Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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