At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
