Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
