Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
