Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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