my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
