In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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