I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she pinky promised me she was 18
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
