He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
