my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
