I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
