Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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