I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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