Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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