Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize