He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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