I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
