Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
