508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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