Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
