that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
