these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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