Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think I just shit out all my problems.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
