A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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