Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
3 2 1 whiskey
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
