My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
