Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
