whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
