He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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