So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
