Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
