Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
