exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
