don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
