She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
