My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
