No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
