I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
