why didn't you poke me back
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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