i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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