your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
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Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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