Need sex. Gaining weight.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
